so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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