Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
