And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
