I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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