I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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