Soap is not a condiment
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
