I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
