just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
