i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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