And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
