Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
