Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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