yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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