I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
