I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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