I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I still have a little drunk in my system
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
