I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
