Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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