his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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