so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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