Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
