Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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