no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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