at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
