it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
