bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
