I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
