just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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