What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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