PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
