he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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