i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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