I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize