My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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