So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
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Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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