guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
