All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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