I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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