ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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