I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
