Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
