just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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