from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
