I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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