we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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