I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Come see our sink grown plant.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
