Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
