I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
