my shit smells like andre
He passed out mid-signature
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
