all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
