So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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