rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
