we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
