dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it was like eating out sand paper
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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