i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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