By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
