i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
