Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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