i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
