I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
