Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
