New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
