I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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