What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
