im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
