i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
