i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.