they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.