Got a toothbrush?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying