theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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