Michael Bay diarrhea
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me