is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
