im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
foreskin is a definite game changer
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out