She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
