She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i think im in europe. pls send help
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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