this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
