3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
