I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
